Thought on This Description?
*Excerpt from a book I am writing, just after the main character (Kieran) finds himself in strange, underwater city after a shipwreck*
The passageway was much darker than the cavern had been, but the same amber glow that had suffused the walls around the lake was also present in the tunnel walls and provided a warm, dim light. In some places the light shone through much more brightly than in others, and it was as he passed one of these areas that Kieran noticed the carvings. Looking around the passageway, Kieran couldn’t believe that he had missed them in the first place.
Along the ceiling, sides, and floor of the tunnel were beautifully carved images that creating a seemingly unending seascape mural. Strange and beautiful constellations had been etched into the ceiling, burning stars scattered amongst luminous moons and planets. A bit further down the walls were pictures of seabirds, a few with which Kieran was acquainted but for the most part were exotic and foreign to him. They dove in and out of clouds streaking the horizon, alone and in flocks of thousands. Some birds glided a bit lower down on the tunnel wall, and it was here that man’s conquest of the sea was illustrated. Cheerful fishing boats floated along next to ships so grand that they would have made The Kingmaker look provincial. Kieran knew enough about ships to see that the detail of the carvings was both marvellously accurate. Each element of the ships had been rendered so precisely by the artist that Kieran saw that he or she had even carved the correct knot for each piece of rigging. Miniature captains stood at miniature wheels, pouring over elaborate maps and calculations whilst their crew worked the sails.
A sharp clap rang out. The man with the tattoo and Clancy’s killer had stopped, and were looking at Kieran. Realising that he had been dawdling, enthralled with the artistry all around him, Kieran jogged forward to catch up, and they continued on. Kieran didn’t want to be left behind and so kept up the fast pace, but kept glancing at the walls as he hurried past. Beneath the carvings of the ships were creatures of the sea. Mighty whales, clever dolphins and an amazing array of fish flitted and swam through the waters. The farther down the eye went the weirder the ocean life became, and along the bottom of the wall Kieran glimpsed little fish with huge, milky eyes and one exceptionally ugly breed that seemed to have candle dangling from its head. Along the floor were etchings of bones, skeletons of those creatures pictured above.
I like the description, with one exception…
I think the word "amber" is over-used and you might try to find a replacement.
It’s good otherwise.
I was interested all the way through.
Edit:
I don’t think any of it "…dragged on.."
End Edit.
Very amazing! But some parts do drag on, just a little.
But still, i’d love to read the whole thing some day! It’s wonderful!