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Another Attempt at a Rap :)?

Fighting for the freedom that I found with my pen,
With William Wallace on my back I start to begin,
Writing rhymes on a manuscript sent from above,
It came down with a Dove but landed with a thud,
And now with palm trees I start to bend the law,
Carving love hearts into freshly cut lawn,
The smell of the beach brings me back home,
I’ve been alone but now I own this throne.
And the sun rays are golden while I watch the tide,
Flow over the sand dunes and inside I find,
A Hypnotist watching and spreading his wings,
His just trying to sing while from my heart he swings.
I bring back the happiness like I was in the pursuit,
Showing everyone all the things I couldn’t do,
Now with truth I salvage hope on my shipwrecked mind,
Open your eyes to find, inside only one love survives.


Wreck DivingShipwreck Diving

  1. NvizoN
    June 6th, 2010 at 19:18 | #1

    Well, it does flow well. At least you have that going. Um, the thing that bores me is the rhyme scheme. AA BB CC DD etc etc. Try mixing it up. Add rhymes inside lines. To break up the monotony of it. Other than that It had a nice concept and flow.

  2. ATLien <Lyrical Vampire>
    June 6th, 2010 at 19:18 | #2

    welcome to diss side 2

    your verse sounds something more like a hawthrone heights/
    and i hate to say it but he bites/
    his rhymes straight from the new cage album/
    a emo kid rapping in the rhh section, who is this bum/
    that has entered the kingdom/
    of yours truly the vampire, and i aspire/
    to rap for a power which is higher/
    every verse gets better and surpasses anything prior

    lol not for real man just love to callout

  3. Death 06 [Thursduo] Geoff 4ever
    June 6th, 2010 at 19:18 | #3

    Everyone knows I’m no expert of rap, nor do I really enjoy it. Lets just say if you ever became a rapper, I’d buy YOUR album.

    Nice!!

  4. ♥Marina
    June 6th, 2010 at 19:18 | #4

    Good, i like it :P

  5. Junior
    June 6th, 2010 at 19:18 | #5

    Its Really Borinq nothinq special here=p

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